Helping Someone You Care About
This page is for anyone who is worried about a loved one, friend, or coworker who may be experiencing abuse. Knowing what to look for and how to respond can make a real difference.
Warning Signs of Abuse
Signs of abuse can look different for each person, but common warning signs include:
- Fear of making their partner angry
- Making excuses for their partner’s behavior
- Extreme jealousy or controlling behavior from their partner
- Unexplained injuries or bruises
- Changes in mood, personality, or appearance
- Anxiety, depression, or trouble concentrating
- Pulling away from friends, family, or coworkers
- Frequent absences, lateness, or drops in productivity
- Disruptive phone calls or visits from their partner
Seeing one sign does not always mean abuse, but patterns and changes can be important signals.
If You're Worried About Their Safety
If someone you care about may be in danger, trust your instincts. Abuse is about power and control, and leaving can be the most dangerous time. It’s important to approach them safely, privately, and without pressure.
Choose a time and place where they can talk without interruptions. Be prepared for different reactions. They may deny the abuse, blame themselves, feel ashamed, or share more than you expect. Remember—you’ve had time to think about this conversation, and they may not have.
How to Support Them
You don’t need to have all the answers. Your support matters more than fixing the situation.
- Start by believing them. Listen without judgment and thank them for trusting you.
- Let them lead the conversation. Don’t pressure them to share more than they want.
- Respect their decisions. There are many reasons people stay or leave. Avoid shaming or criticizing their choices.
- Be patient. They may leave and return more than once. Healing and safety take time.
- Stay supportive. Even after a relationship ends, they may feel sad, lonely, or overwhelmed.
Helpful things you can say:
- “I’m worried about your safety.”
- “You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”
- “This is not your fault.”
- “I’m here for you.”
Safety Planning
If they are open to it, encourage them to create a safety plan. Safety plans can help them think through steps to stay safer at home, work, or in public.
- They are always welcome to come to Palomar to create a personalized safety plan, or they can make one online.
- If strangulation is involved, it is especially serious and can be life-threatening—even if there are no visible injuries. Encourage medical attention and professional support as soon as possible.
Connecting to Help
You and the person you care about are not alone. Support is available.
Visit Palomar in Person:
- Monday and Wednesday-Friday from 8AM to 5PM. Arrival before 3:30PM is recommended.
- Tuesday from 8AM to 7PM and Arrival before 6:30PM is recommended.
Contact Palomar by Phone: 405-552-1010
Contact the Oklahoma State SafeLine: 1-800-522-7233
At Palomar, survivors can meet with advocates, explore options, and connect to counseling, legal support, and other services—all in one place.